Our Future

Today I was at CGH sending four trainees to A&E (yes four, an IMOS record probably).

The big deal here was that there were a few children running around the lobby at their fullest speed seemingly in a chasing marathon, screaming their lungs off at sharp, 80dB voices. It was a total externality, one in which I was really tempted to stop. I procrastinated for a while and didn’t do it after all.

I regret for failing to correct what we call by word and by text our already distorted future.

My First Marathon

Sundown Marathon 2012 | Saturday 26 May – Sunday 27 May 2012

The longest I’ve ever ran in my life is about 27-30km, in build-ups towards this race. There’s always this contradictory feeling about races in me – let’s just call it the four phases of self denial:

1. Before race: Argh shit. It’s finally here. All the crap again.
2. At race venue: Oh yeah let’s go for this.
3. During race: Why am I going through this pain? This will be my last.
4. Two hours after race: When’s the next major event?

And the same happened for this race. There’s a number (of groups) of close friends running: Ben/Jianan/Rama, Yong Siang/Sheng Rong/Tai Soon, Qijian. Never got to meet any of them before the race to warm up and start together so it was very much a battle on my own.

So I waited for the whole huge crowd to pass before entering the race lane and commencing my run, which was about half an hour after gun time. The first one third of the run was very much overtaking, and a large part of that was done on cross-country terrain (for the fact that the overtaking was done on grass, pavement, rocks, unfinished roads, kerbs and the roads itself). Finished the first 1/3 within 1:10. Didn’t hydrate for very much of the first third until about 12km.

My original plan was to hydrate next at 25km. Then the route became tough. After passing the barrage at 15km with a timing of 1:16, the apparent 6km was hell. Breath didn’t really go out but the aching was taking its toll. Gave up and took a 100plus at 18km. Managed to scrap through 21km at 1:54 and then, behold the long, straight, seemingly endless path. Touched the U-turn point (25km) at around 2:18 and grabbed a gel. To me, it gave more of a mental rather than physical boost. Cramps still set in and the crazy hydration began (so much for hydration discipline).

The gusts raged and the winds roared. Then the rain came. This rain would surely be the epitome of this year’s Sundown, I guess. As much as it was drenching my shoes, it was cooling me down too, mitigating the need for me to remove my shirt (which I think I would have done if not for the rain). But while the breezes were abundant, this segment surely wasn’t a breeze for me. My speed slowed down very much for my heavy shoes and cramps on both thighs, knees and calves. I started to deduct current timing from target, and calculating the per-km time I needed to hit 4:30. It they ranged between 6-min kilometres and 9-min kilometres all the way up to 36km.

The notion of walking set in. “If I have 10 minutes to spare at this speed, maybe I should walk for 1km” was constantly on my mind. But the evil of giving up never won. Well, maybe in life, evil never wins. So I kept telling myself, if I can hit 30km, push the limit to 33km, and if I hit, 33km, push it to 35km, and so on. And surprisingly after 30km there wasn’t a single thought of stopping.

I hit 30km at about 2:53 (I think I missed the sign). That was when I really started contemplating my remaining time and speeds to keep. I even devised a worst-case scenario. Then came the end of ECP at 34km. The last 8km, which did not have a clear distance as it seemed, was one of the longest 8km in my life. The path down seemed fine but that last 8km was bad. Fatigue really kicked in and I was afraid I couldn’t meet my timing. I screwed my hydration discipline and took 2-3 drinks per hydration point. It was only until the last 5km I decided to stop hydrating and focus on finishing it well. 3:45 at 37km, and I knew I was right on track . The last 5km was painful, but not hard to endure at all.

I hereby have one confession to make. I’m a person full of my own pride, and to prove myself to others, and to always be better than others, I felt that need to push myself on. Truth be told, it was my pride and competitiveness inside me that allowed me to finish the race. Without challenges, without glory at stake, without others to feel superior over, I’m now doubting if I could have even finished that 42km.

In numbers – timings
10km – 0:52 | 15km – 1:16 | 21km – 1:54 | 25km – 2:19 | 28km – 2:38 | 33km – 3:10 | 37km – 3:45 | 42km – 4:21 | Target timing – 4:30 | Average rate: About 6min15sec per km

In figures – hydration
12km, 18km, 21km, 25km, 27km, 30km, 32km, 33km, 35km, 37km

In me forever – lessons learnt
1. You just keep pushing yourself on. It’s about constantly pushing your limit up and raising the bar for yourself. Without that, you could never go further and complete more.
2. Pain is temporary, glory is permanent. 4 hours of pain would pay off well.
3. No matter the pain, you have to endure, for this was the path you chose.

Why I am me and you are you.

I have, of late, been rather obsessed with a quote (credits to Alfred):

“No one opts for mediocrity/normality but many settle for it. Never settle.”

I think this is rather true. And it is very much what explains my rather eccentric actions I am doing to my university path while still serving NS.

Most NSFs would never bother or worry about their university placing after securing a place at the first possible opportunity. Much less scholarships, and needless to say fill themselves with knowledge in a move to sharpen the edge. But on the contrary, I engage in all three of the above. Many consider that odd. Why bother? Why change course? Why apply for scholarships and get bonded/stressed? Why waste time ‘studying’ while you should be relaxing?

Well, I shall explain them one by one.

1. I have been trained to try to get the best possible result in every attempt at anything and everything. But in the past 19 years of my life I have frequently been slacking off and I decided to wake up, after given a blow by and Army recruitment officer who said, “No, with your results, you can only secure a third-tier SAF scholarship.” But my original principle doesn’t change. When there’s a chance to get something better, I will try. Anyway, no harm trying. So what if the school rejects you? So what if the school calls you up for an interview and you screw it up? It doesn’t matter at all. At least, to me.

2. Scholarships are a taboo for some. To them, it just entails a dreadful bond period and over-stressed four years of university which they do not get to enjoy. But please, I encourage you to look beyond these. A scholarship actually gives you an insight to the industry and headstart to your career. Forget about the money, there highly tangible. These are intangible stuff you would never get. And the stress? They’re non-existent. Well, if you’re afraid of bond and study stress, and can never overcome that phobia, then you’re not suited for a scholarship anyway.

3. Life is about continuing to keep your mind and body sharp and fit. You do not slack off just because the nation gives you two years to do so. Some spend this time wisely, and I’m glad they did. Their brains are kept awake. To me, life is alive only if the brain is engaged. Otherwise, there’s no point living. What’s the point if you have a brain, the hallmark of human intellect, and you don’t use it? I think this quote commonly used in the Navy is really true and applicable to life as well: “Ships in harbour are safe, but that’s not what ships are made for.”

Maybe all these are just me. I’ve been raised in such a way such that I’m ultra-competitve (but not protective) and I never settle. Probably due to teachings, but more of environments I guess. I’m rather petrified at the fact that many people have very, very mediocre or even below average career dreams. “I just want to relax.”, “I want a simple life.” Nonsense. What’s life if you just live it simple and you don’t give it your all?

What’s life if you just live it simple and you don’t give it your all?

P.S. I have only one source of stress: people who complain about stress. What is stress in the first place? Just self-inflicted torture.

Global Citizen

Leaving for Thailand in about 8 hours’ time. Not that I love travelling, but I do find it a pleasure, especially with the right people.

Regarding people, we all ought to be open minded and no matter what we’re put in, take it in stride, yes/no?

In the larger picture, we all need to learn to be global citizens in an age when the Earth is shrinking just like ladies’ clothes. Soon, travelling must become part of a lifestyle and exposure to different cultures is compulsory.

True to self

The past two weeks haven’t been very fruitful for me. I simply wasted my time doing unproductive nonsense or just lazing around. To some, that may be acceptable. But to me, it just isn’t. I just feel that that isn’t the way to go, I ought to spend life doing things more achieving of my own ability.

But, one doesn’t have to worry to much. What matters most is that one is happy. So long I’m happy doing something I ought not to think too much. But then again, there are more things to achieve. If you want what you want, you have to do what you don’t want.

~

I just had numerous conversations with different people around me on various topics, and I found that I’ve been rather misaligned on certain issues. We all have a certain set of values we hold true to ourselves. But that does not give one the right to enforce his own philosophy over another. I’m just rather upset that there are people who I live and work with love to use force and a perceived level of superiority to make people around them comply with their ways of life. To me, these people are just living in their own well, and fail to recognise that people are made to be different, and more importantly, fail to accept that fact and accept others.

Well, I believe that is one thing I really cannot tolerate. I feel, and know, that I do have a very high tolerance level for many things. In other words, I’m hyper-competent at the art of sucking thumb. But when I meet with issues I cannot stand, my temper would give in. And I guess I would soon.

Many would tell me I don’t have to think too much. But the way I see it, not being true to self is one blunder in life. One of the things I hold true would be this – to be true to myself, and the values and philosophy I believe in.

~

On a lighter note, I read this article on the web: http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/what-singapore-can-teach-us/2012/05/02/gIQAlQEGwT_story.html

And I’m rather proud that Singapore have been featured on a major platform. I’ve always thought that Americans are really critical on our system which less and less Singaporeans pride on, and it pleasures me to know that just one American is approving of this system which even Singaporeans ourselves are ungrateful and unappreciative.

Say, for example, our HDB and MRT are the envy of Westerners, the supposed “first world”. Yet Singaporeans show no sense of gratitude, and complaints are all they see. Is it because in our blind chase for progress, we have neglected the very basics of being thankful for what we have? Have we forgot our past, and the struggles our forefathers went through to ensure our impeccable standards of living today?

So Singaporeans, please.