Time

July is about to be over, all in the blink of an eye. And that’s one more month down in NS. The closer we get to the much anticipated date of liberation, the more I think and ponder over the reason people just want time to past so quickly in these two years, yet so aimlessly and unfulfillingly.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like NS too. But along with it comes some exposure to working life, some free-of-charge benefits and facilities, and most materialistically, pay for doing virtually nothing on some days. That’s what I’ll treasure in the four months to come.

I always have a kind of love-hate feeling when the month gets into the 20-something period. It signifies the end of a certain prescribed period of reverse calculation towards a speculated end-point, yet keeps myself regretting over stupid mistakes done, and in awe of how far I have come and how much I have grown.

From time to time, I also get surprised at the extent simple acts could affect people, be it to me or from me. There have been too many instances and it’s practically impossible to archive them for records. Luckily, the endless servers of the cyberspace did us a good favour. And on our part, what’s integral is that we treasure and cherish such moments.

I tend to get carried away and write a little too much. But I just needed to get these off my chest before I get too thoughtful and start penning down random nonsense in camp late at night again.

Eventful Night.

1. The root cause of all problems is attitude. Of which bad ones breeds anger, which never translate to something good. Why can’t we just make our lives easier?

2. At the end of the day, we will all just become acquaintances who don’t really matter to each other. To be honest, my concern might not be sincere. But would I?

Expression

Writing is how I express myself. I couldn’t express it better (except probably with debates and discussions). I sincerely wish for one day when I do nothing and just sit down and write. And how I wish till that day – when I can forget about meals, forget about sleep, and just write, just express myself. But wishing doesn’t get me anywhere, I have to work for that day. That one day; it will come.

Just in case any of you out there are in doubt.

Confessions of a Workaholic

This is an inherited trait in me – being real hardworking and dedicated to work. I always strive to enure the best standards in work and don’t mind going the extra mile, even in the zero-incentive armed forces. I think it’s just in me that I constantly need to prove myself, which explains why I work so hard.

But I only think I’ve learnt how to take care of myself.

Similarly, in executing a family mission, such character traits do set in as well. The recent house-moving was a salient example. I ensured that everything went in order (as far as I could), carried really heavy loads at high intensity, which led to a sure lack of food, rest and water. To me, the need to speed up processes was really necessary.

But I really need to learn to take care of myself.

Consequentially, I had a sore throat which gave rise to phlegm, in turn causing a runny nose, cough and slightly high body temperatures. I’ve been on medication for about 48 hours now, and tried to restrain of dry food. I sleep a lot in the day, eat little, feel uncomfortable, feel tired and relatively incoherent thought – all the symptoms of sickness. Yet I convince myself it’s not.

Again: I convince myself it’s not.

If I tell myself I’ve fell sick, everything would go into a downward spiral. Duties have to be postponed, work will have to be put on hold. The next week would be really hectic. In order not to tip the stable mechanism of work, I told myself to push on and continue work as per normal.

I’m not making a big deal over it, it’s just because I very seldom fall sick (only two times since 2005).

This whole thing was a good form of training – at least I learnt how to endure some discomfort. I was thinking of my teachers who’ve never took an MC for more than 25 years of their teaching careers. In future, I tell myself, I would need to be like this. I want to be always present, always on the ground, always there for changes, always there for the team. I would lose out a lot if this happens.

I will lose out a lot.

What I want + emotions

Been some time since my last post on this blog. Seems like it ain’t easy juggling instructor, admin and support appointments amid writing three blogs at a time and penning down every possible thought that goes through my mind. If that was chronologically feasible, all my neurological processes would have given birth to umpteen 500-page books, one per day.

I love to write. But at times I don’t. I always have lots and lots of emotion and opinion to tell the keyboard, but get stuck with distraction, boredom, time constraints, or simply not knowing how to continue. That’s when the going gets tough, and I must never fail to find that resilience in me to carry on to achieve what I want – to be fluent not just in thought, but in speech, writing and conversing as well. Not just that, there are some tangible benefits out there coupled with a habit of journaling.

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On another note, 7 July 2012 was a rather well-lived, fulfilling day. My uncle had his long-awaited wedding reception that day. Before we cover that, I woke up at 5.30am with the rest of my family for them to proceed to the wedding-day formalities (there were much delivery duties to do before that). I went to camp after that for 1/12 POP, which was really – how would I put it – short and sweet. Short enough, so much so that I could book out at 11.40am.

Went straight to my uncle’s church for a church wedding. It was touching, it was moving, it was one which epitomised all necessary wishes, and extracted all necessary emotions from everyone present. It was so touching that my tears of gold fell too, as with many other relatives. I could totally relate to an uncle who has been through a really tough childhood (as with my mum too), and who finally found his true love. Their expression, their words, their actions and their gratitude towards their parents drove me to tears, any fellow well-wishers as well.

The special thing about this marriage was that my would-be aunt was from Malaysia, and the family culture is really strong. There was ample support from the bride’s family, filling both church and ballroom to the brim and equalling my uncle’s guest turnout. Well, shall look forward to the return leg of the wedding on 21st July at Kuantan. I bet it’ll be similarly heartwarming.

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I guess this was really a day well spent. Oh well, one of the points of life is to spend every day fulfillingly and meaningfully, and make the best out of it, doing things that allow you to move up your own hierarchy of needs. For me, seeing family is a step towards that. But then again, where am I in the hierarchy, and equally importantly, what model am I using?